T H E   N F   I D E A L I S T

The motivation driving the NF (iNtuitive Feeling) Idealist is the desire to be loved for who one is. The Idealist's problem is that "who one is" can change over time, even from minute to minute.

ESSENTIALS

Idealists care deeply about identity. Their entire lives tend to be quests to define themselves, either on their own or through the mirror of the opinions of other people (depending on whether the Idealist is Introverted or Extraverted). Other persons may suggest to the NF how well he or she is doing in reaching personal goals, and support from other like-minded Idealists is always welcome.

But no one is permitted to define an Idealist's goals. Idealists will not allow others to define for them what is "right." Woe to anyone who dares to suggest to an Idealist that his or her goals are foolish or worthless! Idealists seem to arrive in the world with ideals pre-installed, so to allow someone else to dictate goals would feel to the typical NF like a rejection of who they are.

The ideals of Idealists are driven by the iNtuitive preference which tells them that truth is found within the self, not observed out in the world. If the whole world disagrees with the Idealist, then the whole world is wrong. NFPs in particular feel this strongly, but even the NFJs will dig in their heels if anyone disputes their notions of right and wrong.

CHILDHOOD

Often the favorites of parents, most Idealistic children understand from an early age the power of a smile. They rapidly develop their empathic skills to understand the moods of those around them and adapt to them.

SCHOOL

In school, the NF child may be a middling student. He or she may wish to please a favorite teacher, and so demonstrate strong academic skills. Other NFs, depending on their natures and their home and school environments, may spend most of their time relating to other children instead of studying.

By their teen years, the ideals that will guide NFs for the rest of their lives are usually understood and firmly set. NT parents may find themselves wishing that their child would be more thoughtful before acting on some impulse; SP parents may be concerned that their child is too moody and quiet; and SJ parents are likely to be completely bewildered by their child's insistence on striving for goals that seem to the SJ to be pointless, dangerous, or just plain wrong.

WORK

As adults, Idealists are drawn to careers that allow them to try to improve human beings to become the NF's idealized person. For the Introverted NF, this means self-improvement; for Extraverted NFs, it means working to improve others (at times, whether these others feel they need "improving" or not). Typical Idealist careers include the ministry, social work, the theater, psychological and psychiatric counseling, journalism, teaching, writing, corporate human relations, and other jobs that allow the NF to help people directly.

NF employees are the office peacemakers. They will generally know more personal information about their coworkers than any of the other temperaments; it's usually an NF who is the instigator and keeper of the "birthday list" or company newsletter (especially if it's more of a gossip column). Harmony is important to Idealists, so whatever facilitates smooth working conditions is likely to meet with the NF's approval. ("Facilitate" is one of the NF's favorite words.) Getting the best out of NF employees means giving them the opportunity to exercise their gift for strengthening personal relationships. At performance appraisal time, NFs will prefer to be evaluated on how well they worked with others, rather than on the quality of the widgets they made, the ideas they had, or the degree to which they followed corporate rules.

Managers with the NF temperament will be concerned with how "happy" their offices are. The NF manager usually will be more interested in organizing company picnics, skiing trips, conferences, training seminars, and other opportunities for employees to relate with one another than in production quotas or project timelines. For the NF manager, a happy worker is a productive worker, and the NF manager makes it his or her business to see to the personal welfare of each employee.

RELATIONSHIPS

When it comes to relationships, Idealists have a lot to offer the right person. For someone whom the NF believes meets his or her ideals, the NF will be a devoted mate and loving parent. Where other spouses may be companionably content, enthusiastically generous, or absent-mindedly friendly, the NF spouse will often take a genuine and well-informed interest in the other's happiness... just as long as the other person supports the NF's ideals. Let an NF feel taken for granted, or that his or her ideals are ridiculous or wrong, and the honeymoon will be over with blindingly swift speed.

CONCERNS

Sometimes NFs make problems for themselves in this way. NFs can be too quick to interpret disagreement as emotional assault, or even as "hate." For many NFs, everything is personal, and criticisms or even mere suggestions may be met with angry and upset emotional outbursts. Those who did not realize they were threatening the goals that constitute the Idealist's cherished identity are often shocked at what seems to them a wildly disproportionate emotional response.

This tends to happen when Idealists lose their perspective as to the value of the goals of others. The feeling of emotional security is critical to the NF; when lacking, the NF becomes much quicker to interpret any statement of the form "My goals are different from yours" as "Your goals are inferior to mine, and you are therefore inferior to me."

The response of some NFs to this perception is to become "crusaders," determined to "save" others from "injustice" (whether those others in reality want or need to be saved at all). Paradoxically, they respond to what they perceive as elitism by becoming elitists themselves, convinced that only they have the answers and that other individuals cannot function without their assistance. Seeing themselves as Percival and Joan of Arc, others come to regard them as Don Quixote.

This "questing" behavior is characteristic of the Idealist. Thus, another typical NF problem can be spending a lifetime on a quest for a beautiful princess for him to rescue, or for a Prince Charming to sweep her off her feet. Ordinary mortals, with all their real flaws, then never seem to measure up, and the NF can flit from person to person without ever finding lasting happiness. If it lasts long enough, or if the NF's heart is broken too thoroughly, he or she can become bitter or even suffer serious depression.

SUMMARY

Normally, however, NFs have too much faith in their fellow human beings to remain "down" for very long. Usually their idealism is unshakable, and they will soon once again be at work trying to change the world for the better, one person at a time.

And when their perspective is sound, and they choose real injustices to fight, it is often enough the lone Idealist whose example of unshakeable faith and indomitable will inspires the world to change for the better.

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