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Ahh.... that must be why so many of you Brave men suffer Heart Attacks at such early ages. You haven't learned yet that "talking about it" is what keeps us women healthy. It's called, letting off steam.

Interesting. I might just as casually observe that you Steamless women probably do so poorly in the business world because you haven't learned yet that "doing something about it" is what keeps us men successful. It's called "getting things accomplished."

Now that I have your attention... *grin*

There is a serious point here. Your comment makes it sound as though it's a simple matter for men to learn to behave more like women (in this case, to gain the advantage of a longer life). But this ignores two pertinent questions:

  1. Is getting men to act more like women really just a simple matter of learned behavior?
  2. Do the advantages for men of acting more like women outweigh the disadvantages (including expending energy to avoid "slipping" back into acting more like men)?

With respect to the first question, I think you sidestep the power of testosterone a little too easily. No, biology is not destiny; men can in fact learn to mimic behavior more commonly expressed by women. I even concede the likelihood of your conclusion--men probably would live longer if discussing their concerns freely became as natural to them as it seems to be to most women.

My point is that this behavior will never be completely natural to men. Just as estrogen governs many of the most primal aspects of women's bodies, the bodies of men are shaped by testosterone. (This is literal truth. As just one example, the corpus callosum--the part of the brain which connects the left and right lobes--tends to be larger in women than in men. This difference in brain form is due to the prevalence of one of the two sex chemicals... and, as they say, function follows form.)

I think behavior is a matter of conscious choice. But I do not deny the existence of physical- and neuro-chemical-based predispositions to certain styles of behavior. Just as "relating" seems to be a behavior expressed more naturally by women due to their physical and chemical structure, "goal achieving" seems to be an impulse natural to men because of their bodies.

Yes, women can learn to act more like men, and men can learn to act more like women. But we shouldn't pretend that individuals of either group will find such changes in built-in behavioral patterns easy to maintain.

With respect to the second question, my point again is that there's no such clear answer in the affirmative as you appear to be suggesting. Again, yes, many men probably could learn to "emote" more. But while they're busy relating--"letting off steam"--goals are not being acheived. It would be nice if we could all relate and achieve... but the two behavior patterns appear to be mutually exclusive to a large degree. We can either discuss concerns (and thereby accept difficulties, leading to less inner stress), or we can resolve concerns (and thereby overcome difficulties, at the cost of more inner stress), but we can't do both.

If this is so, then what would be the result of all men taking the normative advice you give in your comment about how "Brave men" can avoid heart attacks? Taken to its logical conclusion, IMO it would mean that we would all understand and respect each other for letting civilization collapse.

Do I need to point out that this would be a Bad Thing?

...

To conclude, please let me make it clear that I am not "bashing" women in any way. That's as foolish a waste of time and energy as man-bashing. I think "relating" contributes to human society just as "doing" plays an important role; in fact, I consider both these behavioral patterns to be absolutely necessary to forming and maintaining a civilization.

It is for that very reason that I reject any suggestions that men should act more like women, or (per Gloria Steinem et al.) that women should act more like men. I think both natural styles of dealing with our universe should be appreciated for what they contribute, not criticized for insufficiently resembling our own behavior or for failing to hew to some utopian "unisex" theory of how people should act.

Can members of the two sexes act more like one another? Yes. Unnatural behaviors can be learned.

Should members of the two sexes act more like one another? No. The costs outweigh the benefits.

And in conclusion, may I say: Vive la différence! *grin*


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